PJ X

Me and Mac

Mac and me is a really long Coke commercial about an alien people who die without this vital beverage. The creators apparently thought they could put a kid in a wheelchair and avoid criticism for such hilariously blatant product placement. Fuck that! Not much about this movie makes much sense and I can see little reason for creating it other than to sell coke. I also think the "Mac" is for McDonald's you don't have to think so but then explain what the fuck this is:

This is like half the movie. I mean commercial. Anyway it was a bad movie and a fucking great commercial. I already have 2 twelve packs of Coke and have eaten at Sir Donald's 8 times...and I watched the movie last night. If you were considering purchasing or waching this movie I would recomend it. Or you can watch this summary made by a total freak. I don't usually like yotube remixes but this one is the shit tops.

Ghost Got Me Swayze Crayze

Ok so imagine driving through the Mak Donlads drive through. "Yea can I get a big mac fries and...um the movie Ghost." It was a better time when one could clog arteries and purchase the means to clog the mind in one drive through. Well someone must have had this interaction and may not even be living today to tell about it...they may be ghost...s. My wife and I found this gem at a thrift store. I think there were two copies but we opted for the one originally purchased at mickey dees, naturally. Then on one romantic and magical night we reluctantly but ecstatically decided to watch it.

THE MOVIE
Luckily Pat (we're on a first name basis) doesn't live too long because everything he does is completely over the top Alphamale. From swinging out a seventh floor building to move a statue into their new apartment to always replying "ditto" when Demi Moore says "I love you", Pat is the mannest man that ever manned. At one point I even proclaimed "I think he has a boner" and the wife said "He's Patrick Swayze; I think he always has a boner."

ANYWAY(S)
(the "S" is for Utahns who would have read it anyways anyway.)
This movie is so much worse - and therefore better - than I could of possibly remembered: it was a joy to watch. I learned a lot about the after life and how to take revenge on your murderer if you are killed and how to move stuff in the physical world when you are dead. and pottery.

Day Off VHS Shoping Spree

Eighteen reasons not to hang out with me for the next few months...and their are hundreds more.  I bought all of these today for between .17 cents and $2.00.  A waste of money but its better than HD tv's and Hummers...I guess.

My Science Project

Boy Who Could Fly

Flight of the Navigator

Explorers

Real Genius

Project X

Legends of the Fall

The Last of the Mohicans

Dave

The American President

The Fugitive 

White Fang

8 Minute Tae Bo Work Out

Mac and Me

Awakenings 

Men In Black

Dave Matthews Band: The Videos: 94-01 (has he made one since then)

Thunderheart

Wax on Wax off and then back on again.

Just a few updates about Wax and its awesomely weird creator David Blair.  If you Click Here you will be magically wisped away to the world wide wax web where with some skillful navigation you can watch the whole movie.  You can also watch the sweet ass trailer and clips from "The Telepathic Motion Picture of 'THE LOST TRIBES'" which Blair has been working on since he finished WAX.  It says the movie is completed but I have not been able to find it yet.  From what you can watch online this movie looks so good you will shit your pants.     

Wiggity Wiggity Wax...Or the discovery of telivision among the bees

So I often refer to movies that are not documentaries as documentaries. It is worth it to do this all of the time for the few times that people miss the joke and correct you that the film in reference is not a documentary.
Me: "I watched the most amazing documentary last night."
Nathaniel: "I love documentaries! What was it called?"
Me: "The Last Starfighter."
Nate: "Oh, I've seen that but its not a documentary."
Me: "No, I'm pretty sure that dude from the trailer park saved the galaxy in the 80's. I mean it seamed pretty real."
Nathan: "Maybe it is based on true events but its not a documentary. I would know. I am a film major."
Me: "Well have you ever seen the documentary Wax or The Discovery of Television Among the Bees?"
Nate: "No."
Me: "HA! Not so smart now are ya Mr. film school."
Anyway, wile this conversation continues until the end of time in the back of my mind I will tell you about this fantastic film I saw. I have to admit that knowing nothing about Wax, and because of its documentarian style, I found myself wondering if true facts were inserted into the movie as a strange twist. I was particularly curious about how else the elaborate genealogy of the characters could have been created.

I will not go into too many gory details of this fabulously rad movie but I assure that even though you are board after about twenty to forty minutes it gets better. If you are anywhere as weird as me you will love the overly complicated plot development and will be glad that you payed attention to the tedious part in the beginning.

Holy fuck I love this movie! I may even call it my favorite movie. I know this sounds dramatic and I will keep you updated if I find another I can say this about but for the time being Wax is it. I mean just watch this-

BEAKS...The Movie

This fascinating documentary details a bird flu unlike any that modern man has had to contend with. Apparently, in the mid nineteen hundred and eighties at some point, birds of all types (mostly pigeons) united and began attacking their human oppressors. Some hippies turned junkey turned scientist in Rome thought the birds had evolved this way as a means of protection for their species. Not very likely but I heard them out. After all people were getting their eyes plucked out by finches.
ACTION
A mother apparently unaware of this veritable prehistoric bird flu began taking pictures of her family surrounded by birds when...oh no! They have united and flown away in a flock ...like birds sometimes do. I am starting to think those drugged up hippies are right. OH BEAKS I cried in my mind while mindless dialog played out.
Then
A gun! an exploded hawk! maybe endangered! BOOBS!!!!!
Then
When a family comes to the beach it is obvious that no birds will harm them. Yep, times were simpler in the nineteen hundred and eighties when folks could send their children to distant motor homes after getting a flat tire to get help only for their kids to find a dead blodied body fall from the door of a mobile home they decided to open to acquire the help they originally sought.
Then
Unaware of the bird murder some people go hang gliding. Angry hawks and i don't mean Hudson, attack riping another eye ooh god, they ripped the entire face off of the hang gliders.
RUMINATIVE RECAP
So I guess the idea is to make corn syrup wounds and gore and let birds go nuts and you got a movie. Oh and don't forget to include a man talking to his penis in third person "sorry buddy, maybe next time". As of course the woman has to go and report on another tragic bird attack.
According to the news woman who is, by the way the main character of this story, birds have declared war on humans. It sounds dramatic but its not. Mostly the documentation of this horrific time in world history, entails finding random people who are doing stuff and then having birds flock around them. Like the family with the camera. Bird terrorism. If stephen Colbert only knew. Bears would be low on the list of problemos (as they might say in the eighties) if anyone in the distant future only knew of the avion threat.
I must warn them.

I wonder though, for real, if filming this was difficult. I mean, so many birds...not that any of the attack scenes are realistic but wow. This is some Nathan Attenborough shit- the estranged reject brother of David and Richard Attenborough.
INTERMISSION
After a short break from this emotionally terrorizing elegant eloquent asphyxiating film I returned by the bright blue light of the tv. The bright blue light that only comes when a vhs stops after pausing or when you manually stop it. Either way it is an elegent sight from your kitchen or any adjecent room realitive to the tv. thank god for that blue light...truth.
MORE ACTION!
Birds killed her boyfriend so she killed a bird. These primitive people without cellular telephonic communicative devicary are really getting the shit end of the bullshit stick.
Fire will make birds not come down the chimney. Its getting painful, the same flock of birds used as "trailing us" and "awfully big" seems to be a completely different one that kills people. And above all the pigeons are the worst criminal but when they show the flocks its not pigeons.

Even though this man seems to speak well enunciated English he speaks it in broken sentence patterns like the directors requested an Asian man to talk like "birds not bad but only doing what nature forces to do."
FINAL THOUGHTS
All these dumb ass "filmmakers" had to do was film a few flocks of birds with synth strings intensely played to dramatize and - voila! - a motion picture miracle. I don't know about you but I hate birds because of this movie er documentary er whatever. my christ goodness. Or maybe it is pigeons.
All I have to say is that gang members murdered my family and this film was truly inspirational as far as redemption and retaliation goes. If I was a bird my father was a man who was murdered by a ninja gang it is fortunate that I have the resolution to know my beak is buried in the metaphorical flesh of their bodies and I am now reborn as a poem in the language of Kane (see "Wax: or the discovery of television among the bee's"). I mean to think that even jesus christ was a bird is un-demographical. in the end though somebody somehow saved the day. Unfortunately I cannot tell you how either because it does not make sense or because I was not paying attention. Either way I have never seen a more accurate portrayal of the great nighteen eighty seven or five or whatever bird flu. Seemed like it sucked.